I forgot how it feels to stand 
Between mountaintops
A thin tightrope
Not a single whimper

How it feels to hang on
At my fingertips 
On a cliff’s edge
No doubt in mind

It all felt so easy
But now, my body betrays me 
Slowly decaying at my feet  

Can’t eat 
Without my stomach revolting 
Can’t sleep 
Without my back screeching 

Can’t stand 
To wash dishes 
Without feeling faint 

Maybe this is the time
Maybe I’ll fall 
No one to catch me 

No parachute 
Plummeting 
Till I hit earth 
A crater 
Within the dirt 

If I fall 
It’s no surprise 

Prepare 
Prepare 
Prepare 

For the worst 

Smile when it turns out fine 
Collapse into my twin sized bed

From a load of laundry 
Or vacuuming the floor 
Or wiping off the table 

Sweat shines my forehead 
My lungs call for help 
My arms talk to me 
Say I pushed too hard 

I know.
 
If I fall 
It’s no surprise 

If I fall 
There’s no one to catch me.

If I fall
Well, 
Let’s hope I won’t.

I’ve forgotten how it feels
To stand on my own 
For over an hour 
Head above water 
Without slowly sinking.