in your dreams
she is always forgiving you      

83.  

sometimes she is sincere.  

she is dipping finger tips
into tea, testing temperature.
she is sucking in cheeks
to chew on soft skin.
she is saying, it’s really okay.
She understands.  

84.  

sometimes she is still angry.    

she is walking too hard,
pressing heels too deep
into carpet.
she is washing dinner plates,
flinging one on top of the other,
still thick with soap.
she is saying, you only care about yourself.
She is asking, did you ever really even love me.  

85.  

sometimes she says nothing.  

she places cold hands
on the back of your neck.
she presses her forehead to yours
, so close you can count
the white hairs along her upper lip.
you can smell the tinted lip balm
you’ve grown to love the taste of.  

86.  

sometimes she cries.  

her shoulders rise and fall,
her back sinks forward,
body bending into itself.
she cannot catch her breath,
hand clapped tightly over mouth,
horrified by the sounds coming from it.  

87.  

sometimes she watches you blankly.   
she apologizes- 
she says, she has never been good with faces.
she asks, where do you know her from,
how did we meet. she asks, was I important to you?  

you tell her yes.
you tell her she was the most important person in your life.

you tell her you’re so sorry
you never told her before.