See, I have this joke that’s not really a joke about how the gods and Ashton Kutcher are punking us all and for the love of sweet and sacred baby seals could someone just jump out and say Gotcha already? Seriously. I told you it wasn’t really a joke, I mean there’s no door, no single jar of mayo, no knocking the dressing. No joke. The funny thing is the telling’s well over two years old, premiering early November 2016 and not actually a long-term Covid symptom. Y’all this series has drug on far too long and if the dude sometimes known as Kelso doesn’t (showered or not, who cares at this point) jump out with catch phrases flying from his lips, we will all soon lose what is left of our grief and virus-ravaged minds. Everyone’s gonna be mad when credits roll and they find the show’s produced by devils, demons, and Bernie Sanders—please don’t shoot the poet messengers. Please don’t shoot. Please. Who cancels a god drama? Who doesn’t laugh when gods tell jokes.