GO ON AND ASK ME
I haven’t been drunk in four years
No Mike’s Hard Lemonade throbbing down my throat as I ravenously chug
No Angry Orchard dribbling down my chin on nights spent pouring over my emotions while trying to reach 5,000 words by midnight
No more white wine and store brand lemon lime soda, searing my insides and flesh alike as my cousin’s sweet 16 rolls on
I haven’t been drunk in four years
And sometimes I don’t miss it at all, sometimes I think I could never touch it again at all and be happy
But sometimes I wish for just one more sip and one more sip and one more sip and one more…okay I can shut up now
But don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean
C’mon let’s face it, how often do you get a chance for karaoke without going to a bar? What about trivia nights? How often do you even get asked to join a night out when you don’t drink and you don’t drive either so you can’t even be useful as a designated driver?
Yeah ask me about that because I know
Ask me about how many times in the past four years I’ve decided it was better for everyone if I just don’t show up, assume I’m unwanted and unwelcome because I can’t fully partake in all the festivities
Ask me about how I barely manage to cope with how unlovable I am now that I no longer have a bottle to distract me from the ugly truth
Ask me about all the offers for first dates I turned down because they asked me out for drinks and it felt safer in that moment to reject them than to ask for an alternative
Ask me about how on that fateful November day I lost one of the best and most surefire ways to ease my nerves before sex
Sex I’ve never even gotten to have because I couldn’t find a way to calm myself and relax enough to let someone in without intoxication I can no longer access. But hey maybe the weed’s better for that anyway
Go on, go on and ask me
Ask me all the awful ways my life has changed because I haven’t been drunk in four years
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I can’t say I’ve caught all of your poetry so far this year, but when I do find you in the feed, I’m always blown away by how raw and visceral your writing gets. It’s a challenge to be so honest and vulnerable all the time, so I feel honored to be able to read your work. Thank you for sharing what you have with us this year.