If they had plumbing inside the Trojan Horse
If Hollywood is already planning another remake of A STAR IS BORN
If Leona Helmsley was planning a return trip to Lexington to see the Horse Park
If Esperanto is the universal language because nobody speaks it
How your ex celebrates your anniversary
If “Mene mene tekel upharsin” actually means the same thing as “Klaatu barada nikto”
If seniors going to the Early Bird Special dinner are really there for a late lunch
How many people were disappointed their first time eating Grape Nuts–no grapes, no nuts
If you’re getting a good deal paying the regular price for a movie within a movie
If a banana is ever really just a banana
If life is really a caberet
If Barry Manilow really wrote the very first song
And finally, if Hell really fits into a handbasket.