I have one stray thought about you

after years.

And suddenly all the memories

and fantasies

come flooding back.

I can’t stop playing “What if?”

I can’t stop daydreaming about you

and wishing you would visit me

in my dreams.

I ache for time lost

and paths not taken.

I should wish away this pain

but it’s laced with pleasure.

And I’m sure it has

an expiration date.

Some day I won’t pine for you

like this.

I won’t think about you

every day.

My heart won’t scream your name.

You won’t be the thought

that turns me on.

But I can’t imagine that day.

I know that

what is for me

is for me.

Yet, you should have been

mine.

I’m torn.

As much as I want you for myself,

I also hope you found someone,

that someone is loving you

the way you always wanted to be loved.

I hope you’re happy

and you have a good life.

Maybe believing that

is the key to letting you go.

(I keep hoping

I’ll write my way to the answer.)

But I will also have to

believe

that I’m worthy

of the love we could have had.

And that somewhere

it’s still out there,

still possible,

someone else as wonderful as you

wanting me.

I put this desire to bed

for another night

as I try to

say goodbye

to my dream of you.