my younger self needed so much more guidance and protection than she got
sometimes I wish I could go back and take her hand-
show her a more gentler path to the world’s truths 
but I’m afraid of all the questions she would ask me. 
I’m afraid I don’t have the answers she needs to hear yet. 

my present self needs so much more self love and acceptance than she has
sometimes I wish I could jump forwards to my older self
and see how she turned out
but I’m afraid the answers to my younger self’s questions would be the same as they are now.
I’m afraid I won’t change in the ways I need want to

I’m afraid I’ll still hate myself
(but do I really?)

if I could stop filtering my truth
for my own ears and
pull it straight from my veins 
I’d grab a mirror, look myself in the eye, and say;

I don’t hate you (I don’t.)
I just want you to be someone
you’re not ready to be yet (maybe ever)

And that’s okay
I love you (I really do)
we’re going to be okay