For all my evangelical friends who are
long on fervor but short on discernment
I’ve prepared a quick and easy guide
for sizing up each candidate.
Find a modern-language version
of First Corinthians chapter 13
and insert the name of the person
in place of the word “love”.
____does not envy
____does not boast
____is not proud
____is not rude
____is not self-seeking
____keeps no record of wrongs
____does not KNXXHHHH!!!
(sorry, that was me spraying beer out my nose.
I can’t do this any more.)