“For though I preach the gospel, I have nothing to glory of:
     for necessity is laid upon me;
     yea, woe is unto me, if I preach not the gospel!”
          (1 Corinthians 9:16, KJV)

Belief in God can strangely
make an absolute mess of human relationships
especially in interpretations of His will.
Did we not all make the promise to do His work?

We say things like share the love of Christ
and help bear each other’s crosses
then the moment comes to practice what we preach
like the dreaded pop quiz. Have you studied?

A man gets his arm broke
and everyone rushes to sign the cast.
Man gets his spirit broke and everybody
rushes to the other side of the pass.

Listen up! There are devils in the church!
They may not all be evil but
sometimes careless is worse!
A time and time again lesson;
            be careful who you surround yourself with.

Of our little group:
                        One had such a magnetic personality
                        drawing you closer, but not into his circles.
                        You could run off cliffs at the edge of his smile.
     One was so given to her work
     she never noticed our flatlining friendship.
     Revealed regret can’t resuscitate this relationship.

                                      Another failed to recognize Christ
                                      in the least of his brothers
                                      in one of my moments of shattering. Fucking goat.

            Another looked me in the eye and said
            I’m not your savior. 
            Aren’t we supposed to be His hands and feet.

And then there’s you.
Falling in love may have muddied God’s plan
or it might have been His plan.
Either way, the light you drew people in with
and the way you turned that light off
when they were suddenly getting too close
ran the risk of leaving us confused,
like we were now lost in the cold vacuums of space.

Those were your choices.
They must be respected even as I will ask you
if you’ve truly been open to God’s will all along.
Sometimes love is as simple as helping someone
finally feel forgiven of their sins.
But if not you, then maybe our community
of supposedly intentional disciples, maybe one
could have tried to help me endure such a hard fall?

That’s the part that truly hurts.
You are heartache where they are abandonment,
like I’m not worth saving; I trusted the wrong people again.
They are the shadow I have fallen under.
It’s taken a lot to recognize it
but now I know my time amongst these people
is coming to an end.
I’m not waiting for them to hear God’s voice.

Shadows stretch long
         in dessicated wasteland
                   and I am once and for all
                             shaking the dust off my feet.