decades of learned self hatred 
morphed into neutrality 
and self-love ever growing 

still embodying old habits
of what i felt i didn’t deserve 
kicking myself to the curb
before uttering a word 

embarrassed as a share
what gives me life 
the essense of joy

shame crept so deeply
into each crevice of my mind
in places i never thought to look

no one ever told me
that you can love yourself
but still not live it
breathe it 
choose it
every day

loving myself 
and acting all wrong