Mountain Lion Tanka
On Highway 25
approaching Caspar at dusk
a night cougar vaults
as we swerve into the snow ditch
his tan fur flies
15 thoughts on "Mountain Lion Tanka"
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On Highway 25
approaching Caspar at dusk
a night cougar vaults
as we swerve into the snow ditch
his tan fur flies
You must be logged in to post a comment.
I enjoy the line “a night cougar vaults.” It really illustrates the mountain lion’s beauty and grace.
I like the specifics of Hwy 25 and Caspar, and how much work vaults/swerve does – love this tanka!
Wonderful tanka. I love all the motion conveyed–the moving of day into dusk, the cougar vaulting across the road, the car swerving into the ditch, the tan fur flying.
So cool to see you doing something this short when I think of your natural parameters as significantly longer. It’s another arrow in your quiver.
Whoops. I got the last lines syllable count wrong. The pattern is 5-7-5-7-7. Revision time.
I love the movement in this as well
and then to end with the quiet of snow and fur.
And 🙂 as you know I’m kind of a stickler for the kigo – indirect reference to season- so much in this short poem.
You are forgiven your syllable miscount because what tanka writer has not miscounted! I love the beautiful symmetry and would argue for a Tanka adaptation.
That vault and swerve do some heavy lifting — great choices, delightful.
You paint a precise picture here, Linda – congratulations!
So much conveyed in 5 lines
the miscounted lines are like cracks in an oriental tea cup, they add to the beauty
i like how this feels like a memory that is happening right now.
So much action in a short poem!
Love this one! Pshaw on syllable counts. I’ve been a member of a haiku group in Cincy for several years, and our leader (who’s much learned in these Japanese forms) says that American versions of Japanese forms need not be strict with syllable counts. This is an adaptive technique that Americans started as an imitation of Japanese concision. Of course, limitations can be a good thing…
Glad you mentioned this.
I can feel the car jerking beneath the couger’s vault.
I am familiar with those ditches in the Midwest, having lived in Iowa.