Chemo chains me to my bed
Holds me hostage
In my house
Sometimes I fight it      fatigue
Sometimes I give in      rest  

Some days I lust
To dance with the sun
Smothering kisses flood face
Bare shoulders caressed   

When chemo barges in my room
I flirt with him        a seductive wink
Tell him I know he’d never hurt me      lies
Smile longingly     interlock my hand with his
Suggest we take a ride    
Go to the park
See friends
He runs his hand through my hair
Ok Baby        But remember…  

Anxious for the sun to see me
I wear bright Bohemian pants
Splashes of turquoise    orange    green  and gold like the sun  (golden shoes to match)
And yes, pants peppered
With mushrooms   flowers   AND   sunrays
I apply MAC lipglass     Love Child
To chapped lips

A sunny afternoon   delight
Spending time with friends   comrades  my bestie
Many of them smiling in my face       remarking
You don’t look like what you’ve been through  

I glance at Chemo
Bite my lip 
Silently  scream
Baby, I ain’t gonna tell them
About that long vertical scar   raised skin
Eclipsed by darkened moon craters
Uhhh   that wasn’t you
That was Cancer      my last lover         

Babe, I won’t mention
The black cracked soles of my feet      neuropathy
I’ll hide my hands in my pockets      palms and fingernails pitch black like night  

I rise from my chair
Headed to ladies’ room
To reapply foundation    Lipglass
That mask discolored cheekbones    scaly lips  

Chemo jerks me by the arm    
Barks in my ear
It’s time to go     tell them goodbye 
My brain scamrbled       scrambled 
Cannot find the right words  

Chemo looks at them     softens his voice
We gotta go      she’s tired
They nod in understanding  

I pray one of them
Will rescue me
From the chains of my home