How do you buy clothes for a child you’ve never seen?
How much does he weigh again?
I wonder what 20.503 pounds feels like in my arms.
Do you think he actually weighs that much
under all those bulky layers they put him in?
I bet they don’t weigh him without them.
I’m sure he’s much smaller 
even than he is in my mind.
What’s 79.2 cm in inches? 
I’m terrible at math.
31.181 inches. 
That’s so much taller than I thought. 
He weighs so little,
especially for that height.
I know they’re not feeding him enough.
I’m sure he’ll be all limbs
the first time I see him,
even though in my mind he’s somehow
little and round
in the way that only babies can be.
How tall wil he be by the time that he’s here,
home?
I don’t even know when that will be,
but I know he will be too big
for the car seat I bought
in a blind panic the other night
that is now just sitting in a box 
in the back seat of our car
which I now know is entirely useless.
That’s how I feel, too.
His birthday is coming up soon,
or at least the one they assigned him.
The one we will celebrate 
every year. 
Just not this year,
because we don’t even know him yet.