Internalization

I have become docile 
groveling and for what cause
else than see ego less deflated
can it go down any further
warbling as terror overtakes 
slips hands beneath garments
enclose me so I ferment alone
offkey hums echo in my lone chamber
 
feelings aren’t permitted
you dim witted sissy
until lining the page in poetica
you must keep feelings in bay 
to be ejected over civilian centers
but now it’s just me and you 
tiptoeing through cirrus fields of tulips  
until we face our music
will it be R or B 
will I be given the tiniest choice
how and when my soul is loosed
from this avatar I am imprisoned in as of yet?