We only found the sign
after we couldn’t find the car.

Thought it was a safe place to park
while at the Kentucky Proud baseball game,
and to be completely fair, it probably was

until about ten minutes before we got back;
the most expensive ten minutes of my life
because tow truckers can be pret-ty damn efficient.

I’ve seen the videos, they can be magical
but being honest, I was stupidly easy prey. 
Natural selection would not have picked me that night.

It’s a new experience, so let’s go full millennial.
Hello! I’m calling ’cause I’m fairly certain you have my car.
You’re open twenty-four hours? I’ll try to get a ride.

Uber driver offers me his best you-poor-bastard laugh
saying, I bring people here at least three times a month.
Hoo-ray. I am idiot of the week.

At the customer service desk, I lead with Hey. I done goofed.
Keep cracking jokes to prove ownership of this mistake.
The guy handling paperwork says I’m taking this very well!

He sits behind bulletproof glass covered in tiny fractures
where I’m told a guy once started pounding so hard
he jammed a knuckle into his forearm.

The lot attendant takes me straight to my car, says
he just brought it in about half an hour ago.
I’m shooting for a world record: Shortest Tow Lot Occupancy.

A few more bereaucratic measures and I’m able to drive out.
Everyone praises my grace and understanding in paying a hundred-fifty
for someone to park my car somewhere else for half an hour.

But hey! 
We won the baseball game at least!