Sat cross legged on the floor in a Barnes and Noble
Squarely in front of the psychology section
They have the ADHD books sitting under “personality disorder”
I’ll deal with those feelings later

I’m looking for something to guide me
I’m not sure through what
The grief books teach you how to move
The five stages
Divorced at 27
Therapized for a decade
Nothing new to see here

On death and dying
On grief and grieving
A compendium of hospice nurse retellings
None of this is what I’m needing 

What the fuck is this feeling?
For what, God, am I searching

I think I’m looking for you on this shelf

And for Nada

And for Nathan 

For answer on how to stop the losing
How to stop the knowing
I want to stop the knowing
I’ll live out most of my years without the people I hold most dear