all my life, every

every group
every body
has been
     overly concerned
with my body
and what I do with it
why do you care
who I am
who I love
who I fuck
fuck you, every
who tries to control my
“is that a boy 
or a girl, I can’t tell”
as if I must be either/or
“I heard he likes
*insert male
euphemism here*”
as if I must be
by what I put in my mouth
my god judges me
not by what I put in
my mouth but by
what comes out
I wouldn’t come out,
crying under the covers, my mother
telling me maybe it’s “just a phase”
asking me if I had “experimented”
and the shakes of my head
under covers
in the darkness
shook her to the core
split her son 
into two
one half hers
and the other not
some foreigner inhabiting
what once inhabited her
we do not talk of such things
we do not talk much at all
they do not ask about my “sex life”
we never had “the talk”
forced to rely on the network
of information too tempting to resist
of chat rooms where I bared a soul
my parents refuse to see
I am an “abomination”
I have “intimacy issues”
I “hook up”
I “sin”
when he puts it in
and the real me comes out
too scared to be him
around them
around anyone
I don’t feel much of anything
anymore, as if I ever did
playing a part in a play
that you wouldn’t let me write
I didn’t audition
for this
for any of it
this life, your life
and you won’t let me out
I’m out, I’m done
I’m me and I won’t fall in
in your line anymore
fuck you
I was never overly concerned with you 
your opinion