just kissing
i typed
but nothing
came
up 

just animals
licking faces
for money. 

that knowing look
i wrote
and found
more nothing
than ever. 

girls looking out of windows at the sea only it’s not the sea but their daydreams of it
i searched 

landlocked aching for lighthouses
my fingers hunted
and pecked 

to be ground into dust and swirled back all new again 
i put in qotes

but the same
nothing as before
didn’t smile back
the same as never

so i close the laptop
get up to pee
practice my kegels
before letting it all fly while i spy
summer’s first lightning bug out the window

they are all going to die
my child says about them
in his sleep, he is sleep
walking and talking
prophesies and common sense

while i am midnight
searching
windows and skin
for a beacon chance
at coming
all the way
home

(a boat glides into harbor and there is music on the waves).