Every time I leave the hospital, 
I give something new of myself away–
a certain shyness I can no longer hold
close to my body, the deeper cravings 
for a cigarette that will likely not come.

Instead, I turn and toil in the ICU,
sleep only in bursts, and then 
when I am freed to the outside world again 
the bigness of it all has so much new
choice and flavor, suddenly–

the heat wave? just a little 
needed warmth–

and I am glad to be home again
and yet I also miss being able
to push a button, receive
some limited care until I am
sick again.