Red Stripes
After reading Wisława Szymborska
People avoid poking you
with the spiked details
of their pain. They stuff
them in the private landfill
of their hearts. It’s perfectly
understandable. I’m thinking
of William. For most of his 75
years he withheld from view
the anger and deepest
regret that wiggled ever
so slowly in his aorta
like a catfish raking
a muddy river. Sustained
by dead microbes, snails
and leeches, he kept breathing,
walking and punching
the clock in all the normal
ways though there were small
hints. Often he balled his right
fist like a grenade. That, too, was
normal. William got used to panic
attacks, clenched his jaw
while delivering a well-paced,
respectable 10-minute speech
at Toastmasters. When his wife
needed comfort, he’d push
the junkheap of rage in his heart
straight into his hands. He’d make love,
hug her so tight his fingers
made red stripes on her lonely
shoulders. When William was stricken
with Alzheimer’s things changed. Came
the tantrums, inconsolable sobs.
These, too, fit on the bell curve
of normal. Like so many patients
William lost control. He forgot to hold
the reins. The horse bucked as
the saddle fell off, the blinders
landed in the dirt, the steed
galloped off, long bushy tail swishing.
16 thoughts on "Red Stripes"
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Love love this!!!!
I can hear your voice and a twist.
The clinical atorytelming really works for this piece.
Looks good on the page!
❤️
Great writing!!!!!
Such rich choices of detail to help the reader see. And it is does look on the page.
Your careful construction of this story feels seamless with each precise specific detail. My favorite lines are “Often he balled his right/fist like a grenade. That, too, was/normal.”
wow…wow…wow…I didn’t breathe until the end.
love “Often he balled his right/fist like a grenade.” and
“he’d push/the junkheap of rage in his heart/straight into his hands.”
like a catfish raking
a muddy river
a must-read poem for anyone needing to understand the problem of pain
also a gripping praise poem
“spiked details”
“landfill of their hearts”
lots of great phrases and images
as the youth say, “That was sick!” Poor William.
loved the catfish image.
The whole poem is second stanza is incredible, but I especially love that second stanza. Amazing!
“He forgot to hold the reins.” Such a great moment in a really rich poem. Beautiful.
Excellent use of words and storytelling building tension.
Such a poignant poem! Poor William.
The landfill of his heart.
I love the metaphors and similes with a definite edge.
Such toxic waste in that landfill. Powerful.
The “deceptive simplicity” used to describe her poetry applies to yours as well! So rich and human!
wiggled says it all
So moving, tender, and haunting. Very effective, careful use of the “normal.” The image in that second stanza was stunning.