Report on our mother’s condition
Brothers, last evening I dreamt
I was giving our long-departed grandparents
a ride in a golf cart, in Tucson, after sundown,
with the purpose of going across town
to pick up their daughter, our dear mother,
our progress impeded by a bustling street festival,
full of sun-kissed people and marmalade colors,
music — so much cheerful music — smoke
and the smell of meat cooking on outdoor grills,
stoic mariachis and drunken revelers,
street dogs fighting over scraps in alleyways,
the feeling overall, from the stops and starts
and twisting though the crowd,
of being on a carnival amusement.
I awoke to a bird singing
among the thorns of the holly tree.
I’m afraid that this means
she is not long for this world.
13 thoughts on "Report on our mother’s condition"
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The rhythms, voice, and images are all so strong and propel this poem. I think it’s a really effective piece of writing
I like how the poem keep building steam as it goes along. I feel like I’m in the carnival atmosphere (happily) and I feel the street dogs fighting over scraps. The surprise ending really works.
Your word choices paint the festival atmosphere really well. I especially like “sun-kissed people and marmalade colors.” I can see the dogs fighting over scraps in the alleyways. The bookends of reality around the dream and especially the turn at the end are very effective.
all those signs of life with only the word “thorns” and the premonition in the title to prepare for the ending
Vivid scene
Valid fears
Quite a turn at the end. Definitely did not see that coming.
I’m thinking I may not have telegraphed it too well then. Thanks for the feedback.
Bill, I think quite highly of the turn at the end – all fell beautifully like a hot brown.
The momentum towards the end line is very effective. Beautiful!
“Stoic mariachis and drunken revelers”
You create a scene so effectively and in such sparse language.
This beautifully captures the atmosphere of the southwest. Feeling nostalgic! It’s really interesting that the narrator is the one driving the cart, rather than just being an observer.
Beautiful imagery with a surprise ending!
Love the ending.
With the dream sandwiched by the title and the ending it so is allowed to revel in its well drawn dreamself.