she keeps the rattle
earth
so dry
horseshoes
barely
crescent
dirt. heavy
creak
of western
saddles.
tails swat
sweat,
miss flies.
beth walks
bowlegged,
carries
a machete,
watches
a brown
ribbon
weaving
grizzled
grass stubs
lift its
length
toward
her blue-
jeaned calf.
shing!
a snake
sliced
clean in
two.
19 thoughts on "she keeps the rattle"
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Delightfully told. Pacing seems right. I like the short lines. And I think “shing!” should forever now be the official sound of snake cleaving with machete.
I disagree vehemently about “shing!” Bill. Chelsie, write “Sha-Shing!”, and don’t forget to hyphenate.
Seriously speaking, it’s perfection. A setting and an action – making a moment. All it needs is blossoms to catch gobs of snake blood. Ok, strike that, reverse it. That’s my poem for tomorrow. One of those weird leaps, Chelsie.
Sorry, but I can’t endorse “Sha-Shing!”. It’s an extra sound, an extra slice. Unless you’re suggesting she Zorro’ed that snake.
He’s making fun of me because I like hyphens! No sha-shinging shall happen here.
Chelsie is Zorro. The best shave in California. Sha-Shing! Hey! If it weren’t for you, I would be the worst grammarian on the planet. It’s all out of admiration. All I want is to see you laugh!
Dang it, I was hoping no one would figure out my secret identity. I always appreciate the laughs!
at least you didn’t mispell anything… this time 😉
There’s always tomorrow.
we’re vibing. i’ve got one coming
with shovels cutting earth…
for me, here it’s the
grizzled
grass
(so good)
the form helps hammerhome the looooooong drawnout hotheat of summerdays
*my two cents* about hyphens… and to keep the drama here of only using one.. i would take it out of blue-jeaned (the linebreak there helps to imply it anyway) and bump it down after ‘shing’.. and/or also a line break after ‘shing’
to allow visual space—–
for the blade to swing.
I did think about removing it from blue-jeaned. Perhaps I will. Maybe an em dash after “shing” — I don’t want to but another stanza break because I want to keep it in 2 equal pieces (snake halved). Thank you!
*put* another stanza break. There I go misspelling again.
machete ‘splitting’ hairs-/- between a hyphen and a dash 🙂
2 equal pieces! this insite really helps my read ‘as is’
i take back the linebreak suggestion ..
the da/shing snake said:
‘oh look, here’s an apple-
wonder what
would happen
if you were to
bite it in two’
((thanks for keeping my juicey juice flowing))
now i feel bad for underestimating the power of a slash..
I love all the alliterative sounds in this poem!
A perfect example of saying so much with so little. I love the punch of this poem. Great job, Chelsie.
Love it! Very Sling Blade. (Dang it, now I’m going to start doing that voice.)
Or Kill Bill…
Delightful poem and enjoy all the camaderie in the comments!
What kind of snake?
Some kind of rattlesnake, but I’m not sure which variety. Something that lives in north central Texas.