1.
In the early hours of morning I witness
an interaction between two ants
on the sidewalk before me.

One so tiny, I only noticed it
by the many times larger
flake of whatsit held like a sail,

the other, a carpenter ant
even larger still.
A miniscule David vs. Goliath

on the verge battle.

2.
I was merely sitting at the bar when she spotted
my notebook–curious within the realm of alcohol–
so of course she had to come and say hello.
We closed the bar with our conversations.

Hell yeah, I got her number. I opened
an avenue for deeper discussion, different directions
then sat down at home looking at those digits like
what the hell am I supposed to do with this?

Meanwhile, the DJ’s and my first interaction that year
was a wee hour game of Cards Against Humanity.
He was so completely, hopelessly sure he had the win
but my play was far too inappropriately appropriate.

Little did I know, he had gotten the same girl’s number
and he held all the Spades in flirtation.
A week of silence on my end–unsure of what to say–
left for them all the room to build a heaven of their own.

3.
The two ants in seemingly random trajectory
happened to turn in a way head-to-head,
a meeting that saw
the larger ant rip a flake of whatsit
straight out of a tiny ant’s tiny mandibles.

In other words,
get fucked loser
you never stood a chance.

4.
Another year, another girl wandering outside
to that curious guy reading books at the pub. She asked
What’s the worst thing you have ever done?
We conversed until the Uber came to drive her home.

Hell yeah, I got her number. With an understanding
to at least try to put myself out there. She ended one night
with a sweet dreams, Phil, and I was in freefall.
At last it seemed the universe had chosen me.

Little did I know, the barkeep had also been smitten
and he had all the charisma of one who nurtures barflies
with right things to say and alluring invitations.
She discovered some nights have brighter stars than others.

5.
Tiny inconsequential David ant, I hope,
when your potentially greatest success so far
was snatched by another Goliath ant,
that you were still able to return
to the colony that gave you life,
falling back into tasks of daily upkeep–
purpose amongst adversity–
going on to find a new flake of whatsit
larger and more nourishing than the last.

6.
Growth
is coming to terms with the fact
that these people never did me any wrong
but that doesn’t mean they didn’t take some of my light.
Forgiveness is pardoning the bad and the good.

Responsibility
is recognizing
it’s not another’s job to help you shine
but oh, it gets so lonely
living as a dim and distant star,
yet labored light I emit.

Acceptance
is acknowledging
the random freeflows of sonder
and how people get thrown into each other.

Grace is seeing the truth of the matter:
-It is I who always wastes it all away, sequestered in anxious silence.
-The DJ had no clue he was not alone in his pursuit.
-I was just another open tab to that barkeep.
-The girls discerned what they wanted,
      made the best decisions for themselves.

And a Goliath ant
might simply have never seen
the David ant
eclipsed by a flake of whatsit.