I get this way
when the days drag out
the food and drinks
and shows and people
become stagnant pools
that I try my best to avoid
predictable and content 
ignorant that I’m not there
and though I should feel
the happiness
around me

I just want to drag
my knuckles
across a brick wall
until the bone shows 
chew through my jaw
so when I smile 
I show all of my jagged teeth
pull at my face 
until it’s red and sore

all of this comes on
for no reason
turns over in my stomach
like a soured stone of something
and I can’t but hate
even looking in the mirror