Santa wears a steel helmet as he makes his afternoon rounds of the orphan homes and hospitals on foot. It’s lined with metal foil to block the signals from the satellites, the ones that tell him to start drinking again while there’s time and to hell with the children. While the coded lies are silenced he can focus on what needs to be done so the kids can take over the world next weekend. It’s an odd looking hat he wears, olive green in color and shaped like the top half of a flying saucer. He could probably get the elves under the sidewalk to make a sportier one, bright red with white trim and pom perhaps, but they’re busy enough with the toys, with repairing the sleigh and trying to find new reindeer. And the children’s laughter tells him they don’t mind the current model, no matter the grown-up frowns.