I have this dream where I pick up the phone, it’s always a weird regular phone, and call you. I look in the phone book for your folks and it’s never hard because they have the same first  names as my folks. I call you and we pick up right where we left off. 

 I should’ve reached out after your brother died, but I  was too much of a coward. I know you loved your brother and sister more than anyone in the world and that you’d rather be with them than anyone.  I know exactly how hard you took it and I didn’t say a word. 
I should’ve stopped that morning.  I was driving home early Christmas morning. The streets were totally empty and all at once you pulled up on my left hand side at a red light. You were right there and I just drove away. What kind of horrible blind chance was that ? Why didn’t I stop ? Because someone was waiting for me ?  
 That poetry contest we were in, y ou should’ve won instead of me.  When Young read those poems in class I had to leave the room.  I never , ever would’ve picked you out as the one .It ran all over me.  I should’ve done a lot of things.
I sat behind you all year and watched your cluster ring.   I didn’t know it was your Dad’s. I didn’t know then your Dad was Charlie. I didn’t know you were you. When I heard you’d gone to AA I lost it. I was a dinner and I just walked out.  Did you stop drinking. I know you went to AA, but that’s not the same thing.  I hope you never find out where I ended up. I hope you never ask.