Knowing the answers
doesn’t mean
the questions
don’t occasionally get hard.

Right now,
I’m having a fight
with God.
He doesn’t seem to understand
that I could be
His greatest disciple
if He would just
throw me a bone
every now and then.

But there are two people
at least,
in the Bible who
situationally weren’t going to church:
the beaten traveller
whom the Samaritan saved
and Jesus Himself
when He retreated
to the wilderness
for forty days.

I don’t know
if I can really say
if I’m one or the other,
or neither at all.

I just know
that the only piece of advice
you can think to give
is the slightly condescending,
walking away from the Church
is never the answer,
which dresses none of my wounds
and further convinces me
to remain
in this soul-searching retreat.