I walk two miles to lay on the kitchen floor at
the house of my friends who just got married.
I am overheated and
saturated with feeling.
Not about anything in particular,
just indulging in personhood.
As sticky as this is it’s also
refreshing.
Like Ramsey said at a show in Chicago,
about this girl who loves me without any sarcasm.
Well, that’s refreshing. And it is.
Or looking at my naked body in the mirror for a long time.
I have been feeling neither satiated nor
saturated with feeling.
How can you grieve as much as I have without
accidentally blowing yourself out?
Grandparents and muscle mass and short skirts.
I am bereft and floppy and mature. Horrible.
Everything’s changing except,
I always try to light candles under the ceiling fan.
Discovering, surprised, that they have been extinguished.

Here on this walk, though, I’m blue at the base 
and still lighting matches.