I can only retroactively know
the reason why
(if I ever know at all).
Yesterday I trudged into a huge
swell about to
crash onto the broken
rocks cutting the soft
pads of my feet. There was nothing
to be gained from
running. All I could
do was
hold my breath,
close my eyes, try to
make myself narrow to

pierce the surface less painfully 
and wait…

Today I awoke unscathed, 
before their return
from the morning walk, 
drank coffee,
made a list,
like yesterday was lived in
by some other wife.