Ways to Make Your First Date Awkward
1) Show up late. To your own house. (To your own life).
2) Open with the worst story (about the worst moment) of your life.
3) Cook tuna with sweet potatoes (she can’t stand the tuna).
4) Ask which films are John Hughes (the question’s unforgivable…).
5) (…while digging that hole deeper) forget and burn sweet potatoes.
6) Admit you quit Pulp Fiction not even halfway through.
7) Forget to empty the litterboxes (too late; she’s already here).
8) Empty the litterboxes (no, not now, while she’s here)
9) Kiss goodnight on the stoop (that’s sweet but…John Hughes).
10) Forget to re-read this list (well before she’s actually here).
Ways to Improve First Date Chances
1) Be You.
2) Show up.