what happened to that connection?
Was it a spark
destined to explode
only the one time,
like a supernova mistake
wiping a star out of existence
with all of my lingering attractions
jettisoned into space?
What was the catalyst,
the chemical reaction
that wrote this fission
into the chambers of my heart?

Not that I want to sit here
and say that I own you
because of the one time
when you thought you saw something
in me.
I would hate for these feelings adrift
to become meteors and comets
cratering your world
(for those can be the seeds
of the toxic masculinity
I’m trying so hard to avoid)
because whatever your truth is,
should always be respected,
but I’m still tied to all these pieces
blasted apart.

Because pain and heartbreak know no limits,
no age or race
or sexual orientation
or male or female
or the whole spectrum between.
And no demographic
is immune
to the possibility
of becoming
a cruel human being
Carelessness, even when innocent,
more hearts than anything else.

Count mine
as another fading victim tonight,
not that I’m trying to call you cruel,
it’s just…
if heartbreak was our destiny
why did I have to find out
through silence?
Why can’t things go back to being the same?
Where am I supposed to go
with all these fractured feelings?
I promise I want to leave you be,
I just need something to go off of
for closure,
even if it’s just the admission
of a drunken misjudgment
or a perceived flaw in me
that I just need pointed out.
I just need
something… something…
to hold on to,
to learn from.