i can’t put into words
how much i need to cry
hard in your arms

tears flood
feelings images memories
bleed together
my brother’s death
my love for you
your tears
your fear my love will die
my not knowing if i can be
the one you need 

we make love
i smoke a joint
but the cry
is the high
i need most

most of the time i want 
to cry
i can’t
i know it’s not all my father’s fault 
i help erect these blockades 
i shut these floodgates 
i know i’m supposed to stay strong
don’t show it
or no it’s okay now 

fuck these tear ducts
swollen shut 
put on elliot smith
put on velvet underground
cue the darkest days
with the drop 
of a needle

cue that transcendent acid trip
the sweaty cocktail of tears
and summer rain 
not knowing which is which 
as my eyes brim with sky
holy water falls

everything is fluid