Posts for June 5, 2019 (page 10)

                  For a woman

imagine me in a desert monastery
alone and kneeling behind white stucco walls
simultaneously stuck in a traffic jam
juggling chainsaws and feeding small children

this is what it’s like to need an audience
this is what it’s like to need applause
tap dancing on the sidewalk hoping
passersby will toss folding money

I’m coming out of a house party 
You’re inexplicably working security 
At a club that will close in a month 
I order myself to stop recognizing you 
And for a second I think maybe it isn’t you
I used to think I saw you all the time 
Nope. There is it. An imperceptible pulse along your jaw
That would probably go unnoticed by someone else 
So, it’s you. 
This is how it goes : 
You can’t imagine someone leaving your life until you can’t imagine how they became a part of it in the first place. 
This is how it goes.

the earth cools
             releases its scent                         like spores

                          secreting poisons.

the whole world dies down a little
                                                in need of a bit of rest.

dewdrops enter you through a wound
              in your hand, your foot, your mouth, you

never knew was there

                                                                until it existed.

everything is washed in this cool blue we will call
                            dusk:

             the grass, the aspen, the cricket’s
                                              song droning on and on

             like some sad jazz tune.                          heat

rises and rises,       until finally someone turns on
                 every single star.

Любимият ми хърка. 
А на мен ми се спи.
Ще се побъркам. 
С бормашина сякаш в ума ми бърка.
Въртя се ту наляво, ту надясно
легло сякаш стана ми по-тясно. 
Накрая ставам, взимам химикала,
тетрадката любима, каня Муза бяла!
Усмихвам се! Какво пък.
Това е моето време.  
Не чувствам аз ненужно бреме 
а се оставям да ме завладее
емоцията нежна на перото 
и не за друго, а защото  
така завършена и цяла
се чувствам аз дори без одеяло. 
Спането вече струва ми се някак празно.
Ще пиша!
Ще празнувам своята празник! 
На хоризонта слънцето изгрява! 
Ще изживея своя сън наяве!

Trapped in the city’s traffic,
I looked up at the windows of Dakota building.
A white piece of tissue drifted about in the air,
As if the world were waving goodbye to John,
Again and again…

My mother taught me strength.

My ten commandments were her words of wisdom.

Get an education, get established, be your own person.

She never wanted me to depend on anyone, especially a man.

To her, men were serpents.

They were our damnation.

“Eve trusted a man.” She’d say, her cigarette turning to ash in her hands.

“Now we all are cursed.”

The sins of Eve became the sins of our mothers.

She tried to warn me, but I didn’t listen.

Infatuated with the forbidden.

I strayed from her religion.

like a severed finger you’ve been reattached
but still don’t quite work the same

and in effort to relive the moments where you did
i find myself grasping for straws
predestined to always draw the short one

i go over moments that lead to where we are now
how i could have done things differently
how i could have kept the knife from slicing all the way through 

+

watching the wheels – john lennon 
a boy is a gun – tyler, the creator 
a teenager in love – dion and the belmonts
who loves the sun – the velvet underground 
by the sea – helena bonham carter, johnny depp (sweeney todd) 

Bruised feet, it feels like we’ve been walking for miles. Mom says it’s only been a mile and a half and laughs. On our way into the Smoky Mountains. The sweet smell of nature. Seeing others hiking in. Is this what happiness is? Am I watching a preview of heaven? A slight moment of happiness held in an everlasting memory of joy.