Posts for June 19, 2021 (page 2)

i am old enough
and young enough
to remember 
when we weren’t 
allowed 
to wear pants 
to school.
only dresses
or skirts
or jumpers
from your knees
to the bottom of your
finger tips. 
skinny bare legs
covered half way up
with knee socks,
walking to school
in winter wind,
freezing underneath.
in 6th grade
the rules changed,
girls could wear pants
but only a pants suit,
the top Had to match
the bottom.
my single mother of five
sewed a pants suit for me
and my little sister
mine red hers green
a little gold chain
connected the row
of metallic buttons
one by one
down the front.

adopted a lizard
with teal tail and
some ordinary ants

often fill a feta lid with ice  intense
casita porch sun makes cool
water available  for a bit

long-tongued reptile slurps
its fill  returns often
each ant totes home one drop

Nobody ever so free
’cept somebody they can believe
come all the way to Texas
to say it’s so.

The rumor of it spread all round
each to each, each glory day
fast as the feet of truth
go marching on.

I dug up my old year books,

just to see your face.

I bought some old

Tooth and Nail samplers

on Ebay

even though I don’t like

Christian rock anymore.

And I’m still trying to find

the mixtape you made me

as a graduation gift

titled “Morphine For the Soul.”

I’ve been craving

anything

that might bring you

back to me,

even if it’s in pieces

and fractured memories.

I ache for you

and what could have been.

I have your name inside my phone

but I don’t know if it’s your number

or if it ever was.

I’m too scared to call in case it’s you,

in case it’s a stranger,

in case I don’t know what to say.

It’s like a lucky coin in my pocket,

a chance unspent.

It’s probably not too hard to find you

or find out what happened to you.

And if the fantasy ever gets

more painful than not knowing,

then maybe I’ll try.

I write you poetry

you’ll never read

and I fetishize the past

even though

I’d probably rather

kill myself

than be sixteen again.

But nostalgia is potent.

Maybe I’d walk through hell one more time

if it meant I could be with you.

I sing Taylor Swift songs

and pretend they’re about us.

I read romance novels,

looking for you

between the pages.

And I carry this dream of you

with me

everywhere,

wishing it could come true.

If you’re still alive,

I feel like

you’d have contacted me

by now,

receiving all my thoughts

like signals from a beacon

calling you home.

I wish I could be your home.

I’m calling out to you one more time.

Come find me.

I miss you.

What do you want?
I want a ring
on every finger
and that little mug
in the window
of the art store
downtown.
I want my head out
the window
and in the air 
and my mouth
wide open,
full of bugs,
screaming.
I want to chop
on sagebrush
with my big boy saw
because that shit
sucks to rip out
of the ground.
I want roots
that go that deep
and spin that thick
and that kick the living
hell out of 21 year olds
who don’t know
what living is.
I want to drive
that F250 down
straight dirt roads
that never end
and never tell you
where you’re going.
I want to punch
that boy who called
me whore
and thought he knew
who I was!
Blue Baby,
what do you want?
What do I want!
I want the world
to stop turning
while I’m standing
in the same damn place.

sit in the heat for an afternoon
out in the front yard

the bugs will come 
the shade will move

pull the grass
leave the weeds

build a lifetime of memories
all in an afternoon

talk to the neighbors that walk by
sneeze a lot

contemplate life for a minute 
cry for the third time that day

spending the day
being okay for a while

Parrots in the palm
whispers of wind
crow conversation
rustling of trees
soft fog horn murmers
your voice…
a memory in my brain

-Sue Neufarth Howard

Birds pass overhead

I ran along my usual route and managed to hold my breath when I
passed the cemetery–

There’s something about short poems

Even though they’re a quick read,

The words can last a lifetime

And sometimes they’re meant to be short

But sometimes you have to write your words quickly

For good reasons,

Like spending the whole day with family,

Friends,

Or even yourself