It’s my fifth night away from home,
And my first night feeling it.
Up til now it’s been nothing but freedom
And enough good times to last forever.
But tonight it was slightly muted,
Smiles were strained
and laughs were forced.
This new place I’ve found
with all these new people
has been my home the last five days,
so why is it suddenly not enough?
I just want to be a part
of both places at once-
because I don’t want to leave,
but I want to go home.
my great aunt and I
would go fishing
every Saturday morning
because she didn’t know
how else to fix a boy
who didn’t know what
was so wrong
we’d stop at this new place
that had a diner built on the side
we’d eat breakfast in a booth
preparing for a day of fishing
with a lunch of Vienna Sausage
smashed between two Zesta crackers
I never really wanted to go
and sit out in the heat
for hours and hours and hours
but I did it anyways
because I had nothing better
to do
I wish
I could sit across
from her in those
particle board booths
with the morning fog
pressing against the windows
Travis Tritt playing
from a speaker above us
and tell her that she was
probably the best one
out of all of them
friends jump at the chance to say that i’m kind and sweet
enemies would say that i’m trusting, promiscuous and can be mean
pets would probably say i’m the best they’ll ever meet
family will say i’m responsible and easy to please
strangers would say my face looks elven, interesting to spot in a street
and what would i say when asked about me?
frankly, i’d say all of those things
and i’m not upset about them
not even the sayings of my enemies
i am who i am, and i am me
“If a number of these walks are connected, one to another, then slowly, there emerges a ribbon-like system of tiny backs, pleasant alleyways behind the commotion of the street.”
~Christopher Alexander
He called.
I said I’d be there in ten,
turned left to shortwalk through the alleys
and hit a brand new iron gate.
The gate was locked.
And then there was another one.
And then another.
And another.
And…
forty minutes later
when I finally arrived
all of them were laughing:
“We wondered when you’d get here
now that they’ve privatized your city
and stolen your and our and Mr. Alexander’s
quiet backs.”
Three days’ drinking water
in plastic jugs dug into me
beneath the backpack’s straps and belt.
We had to carry it because
herds of cattle graze Sonoran tableland
within the canyon watershed.
It would be three days,
out from West Trailhead
and back. Strong or
destination hikers can take
8-10 hours to do the whole 12.25 miles
of the Wilderness. Not me,
as by then you understood
from our first time trekking,
birding, photographing flowers
through Colorado meadows
up to the tundra’s cairns.
Sycamore, ash, cottonwood, willow
grew alongside Aravaipa Creek
then, above it, cholla, saguaro, prickly pear.
Creek pebbles in my sneakers
hurt too much off and on;
slogging was the only way.
But I would still go back there
for the chance to see how daybreak
etches into the desert sandstone rim
the wheat red color of your hair.
April morning
snow kissed
spring buds
Soft lavender
covered with pure white
Wee sweet pea blossoms
Frosted flowers
shades of blush
explode overnight
until fall
Redbuds, crabapples
unfold in early spring
Brushed white blush
fades as blossoms age
to a deep rose
Western vivid
heart shaped green leaf
changes to multi-colored purple,
blue gold in fall
cement in winter
Spring apple blooms coral
Buds grow in clusters
Bartlett pears
leaf lime
covered with creamy ivory
Fall cedars flocked
not for a Holiday
with soft snowfall
Just spring
in the Mountains
Another tragic love story
Two people madly in love
Same book, same chapter,
But not on the same page
Years of memories
Praying to never be strangers
We say “one day”
As weeks pass by
We love like no other
We dance like no one is watching
We laugh like we have all the oxygen
In the world
We kiss like it’s our last
One day I hope I’m reading this at our wedding
But you know me,
I hate society
I don’t want to get married
So I’ll read this at our ceremony
Where we don’t need papers
To prove our love
We don’t need a witness
To see our emotions
Just you and me
Engaged forever
Like that episode
From Grace and Frankie
what I could’ve done
what you promised me
what your words painted
It could’ve been.
It should’ve been.
It couldn’t be.
what a shame
what never worked
was what doomed us both
Jaguar gold
deep ocean blue
very very green
blue w/silver sparklers
green—-
like the big plant in my front hall
brown w/amber speckles
grey-blue fading
falls in love with all of them
Above the paper blue surgical masks
all the doctor sees
meets their gaze
Ready to tango
& i knew you didn’t write poetry
like me; & i had told you
goodnight, but after i drifted
under the covers, you sent me
the words that your brain had spun
up; & in the morning, i was gifted
with the image of you looking
in my eyes like an ancient god;
& i miss all
the words you ever said to me; & i wonder
if you ever get lonely at night
like me
