Posts for June 30, 2021 (page 6)

After Chen Chen

after falling from his training
bike with two, samaller wheels attached
to the back for more balance. Crying,
with scraped knees & shins, he’s hushed
& told that it’ll be alright. We’ll clean it up.
Gritted teeth. Peroxide. White bubbles &
foam. Cleansing the wound. The sun shimmers
in the early morning sky like your eyes
after kissing me. Like our watery eyes
after laughng at our own jokes, after
calling each other faggots. Boys will be boys,
painted nails & all, can’t stop joking. Laughing.
Kissing. Crossing time zones in the A.M. Vanilla bean
ice cream for breakfast. Backseat heat. Backseat
fucking. No, love making. No, just sex. No,
roll us up in a carpet & ignite us. We’ll transcend
in the warmth. Morning rises
like me. Hurt, broken, sweaty. 9 A.M. &
it’s a goddamn heatwave. Your lips are moist
pressing against my forehead. Good morning. Crushed.
Wounded. Pained from your dick
in my ass. It’s another sin to be a bottom. Maybe,
it’s not gay as long as a cock never penetrates you?
Maybe, you can hide behind the fact that you grabbed my ass,
called me hot, bit my lip as you kissed me, precame in my mouth
if you vote red? Maybe, God, too, is queer?
Maybe, I’m still allowed to fall down, face-first
to the concrete? Cry. Fail to grasp at my own emotions. Ask
for forgiveness. Love. Abandon resentment. Feel
helpless. Worry that you’ll walk away. & you, like a parent helping
up their toddler, grab my hand. Again
& again

The French bid adieu,
Japanese, sayonara,
for final goodbyes.

Italians say ciao,
and Hawaiians, aloha
for hi and goodbye.

Lovely, but I’d like
to say a phrase or something
more than a mere word:

thank you for this June,
which will hopefully just be
the first of many.

I’ve found it hard

To make myself frown

The past couple of weeks,

And i think that should be

Something to celebrate .

I’ve ignored it in fear

That acknowledging it,

Would make me frown

Even more.

I left his place

At 5:46am

And i passed 7 black crows,

Forcing me to swerve

As they refused

To get out of the road.

They say black crows

Symbolize death.

It’s been 7 months

Since you talked to me last.

Maybe it’s you

Once again,

That has stopped me

From wallowing in self-pity.

But this time

It’s not because

You’re dangling me

From a thread,

Like some kind of puppet.

But because you are gone.

Completely.

And now,

You are dead to me

I’ve never been proud 
of my peccadillos
but perhaps this is Latin 
and should be peccadilli

These hot, moist moments
require no braggidocio 
And, in fact, bring mostly remorse

Maybe I should take pride 
in a number or in a size
or in the marks I left behind

I don’t take pride in what I look like
Or in my ancestor’s pain

Can you see that?
If you just turn around
you can see the future

He whispered words the color of love,
painted with jewel tones
and golden-tinted kisses.

He murmured words of desire,
regaling her beauty
and calling her his own.

But she was not.

Those words were poison.
They dripped from his tongue like acid
and with every blow,
she was forced to her knees,
subjugated by the fists he swore
were love incarnate.

She ran, 
Prayed to she who would save her,

As I drive this morning,
crossing the bridge above
Cumberland river, I know
that you are my Muse.

You inspire me to use
feelings to write a poem, show-
ing how not in control of words of love
or your life I am. This morning

all creative impulses
come from you.

But Babe, I was the one that was supposed to take care of you!                    Jim , cancer

She said I was not allowed to come to her dad’s funeral and she told me about his death on a goddamn voicemail not even in person!  Dave, suicide

Marie you shouldn’t be cleaning up like this and taking care of me all by yourself.  Dad , cancer

I can’t stay here anymore, Mom. He cheated on me and this world has no place for me anymore!  Gail, suicide

I see your dad. He is ready for me to join him. I love you more than you will ever know!  Mom, cancer

Let me move back home, I miss you!  Neal, heart attack

Ha! It was a shock to me, too! I just never woke up today. I’m sorry I won’t see those three young boys grow into men but I know they are in good hands. Keep Boompa’s memory alive for them. I’ ll be with him getting things ready for you both. Enjoy your lives to the fullest. Serve others. I will always love you. Take good care of Clancy for me!   Me, natural causes

^{It’s a hackberry tree I see}

^{settled on my back in the park}

^{looking straight up. All it’s leaves} 

^{pointing toward me, waving as}

^{the wind rules. Jewels of light}

^{point through, glistening, glittering,}

^{blinding at times. At times like this,}

^{I desire to be hypnotized}

^{all day long. Song birds morninging,}

^{the yoga instructor, melodic} 

^{and hypnotic. And me?}

^{I’m lost in the tree.} 

I embrace joy, timid and unsure it’s intentions,

Ghost cicada perches, wrapped in the whelm of morning wind
her glass wings dabbed with black
at each panel’s edge  

Gray wolf, red wolf rub sinuously against
each other, curling flank-into-flank,
curving cusp-into-cusp  

Owl settles on branch, spotted & striped & splintered,
feathers curling like wood—door & plank
& trunk warming in afternoon sun  

Rufous hummingbird flashes like a miniature sun,
sharp beams slicing thick blue overhead
& dipping between oaks  

Cross fox slinks through a honeysuckle morning
rushes headfirst into a wet afternoon
slides into twilight, star-coated