Posts for June 2, 2023 (page 6)

Had I known that which lay in store for me

Never would I have drunk from holy cup.

I sanctified man in all my glory ,

Healed their wounds by spilling of righteous blood.

O Father, why have I been forsaken?

Nailed to the tree I thought the thing complete:

Creation bathed in light, Your fury sated,

And I to take my place right of your seat.

I let the doubters inspect my holed hands

And told them that I’d ended suffering.

They watched Savior of man ascend

But did not see the bright gates shuttering.

May Your will be done in Gehenna as it is on Earth.

But the wine is boiling, the bread is burnt.

She talks like she’s chewing
the words with her mouth open
crumbs of thought tumbling
from her lips half-formed
wagging tongue restless
in her greedy rush to gobble
silence from the room

for Sofia

golden
warm
sunlight

you came to us 
filled with infinite amount of love
                                                    that cannot be manufactured or bottled
sweet
baby’s
breath

the immense joy that circled around and in our bones
                                                    was a heavenly balm, healing wounds
old
and
recurring

you have climbed the stairs of the pearly watch tower
who will steady my hands as I grieve? 

For now I can live face down,
pants unbuttoned, ass exposed,
nurses and doctors scurrying about,
discussing the song on the radio,
how it reminds them of a tv show
now off the air, and I guess
I can even live with the mindless
“Rate your pain on a scale of 1-10”
and the repetitive “What’s your date of birth?”  

As the needle plunges into my spine,
I can live knowing my wings
are vestigial and no one believes
I can hear them flap
when I lie like this on a table
or when I lie like this: I feel fine,
but I can’t make peace with this disease
that shoves and smothers me
like an abusive boss or lover.  

And I can live knowing I’ll leave
this world I’ve stumbled through,
often lost in something or someone.
I’ll leave like sherbet melting.
I’ll leave like a match fizzling out.
But I can’t bear the thought that the words
I’ve found to make sense of the dark
won’t leave a mark more lasting
than a dent on a dead man’s pillow.

You never should’ve stood brazen, laughing
through a sliver of glass at my door.
Your imagination got the best of you
harassing me from behind a door.
Conspirator or creator of a name
for a space you spied me exit.
Did you wish it was you I was with?
Brought your cultural misogyny
to your new position.
Every misogynist will have their day
in this millennium.
I laugh too, holding the door
to your involuntary exit.

The time was never mine
I know that now.

In the backseat of your blue Escape,
strawberry stains on my teeth.

I want for little
but it is human nature to desire what we can not have.

All we have left
Is quiet moments on the way to work.

I am neither parent nor child
but a third thing
sister.  

Fourteen years too old to fight back
to cry out.

Swallow your needs
Swallow your pride.

And be a good big sister
the daughter you need.

How do you pet a rhino
A rhino will come when called as
He loves scritches behind his ear
Remember to bring bananas
To prevent disappointing
A greedy rhinoceros

where do they come from
stars and fireballs burning
should we let them cool

and play with the ash
or reach for the fire blast
knowing it can’t last

both my hands are burned
scars cover what I have learned
layers of love lost

For those six years,
You knew of the abuse.
You sat back and watched.
I guess you were amused.

I know you never wanted to be a mother.
You just wanted friends you could control.
Friends who understood your pain as if it was their own.

Well, here I am.
In the flesh,
With skin so cold.
I am a product of your making,
And of your neglect.

Of all the flowery language I endeavored to dig up
the most romantic specimen I could find
was a tiny trifle called “try.”

I’ll try to write this hacky poem
I’ll try to anticipate your needs
I’ll try to disappoint you
as little as humanly possible
but most importantly
I’ll try to make you laugh.

Because when I’m out in the garden
arranging a beautiful bouquet of words
one that ideally contains examples
far more eloquent than “try”
I’ll think of your laugh
joyous and clarion
and it makes me want to try
that much more.