and you pick up speed. A line in a texbook to teach a fact
can be the most beautiful thing to imagine
that you can be held motionless
in time. What are we measuring?
I want to be that shiny. That gold
pendulum, catching a mysterious shadow
like a child
in summertime.
incense smoke tinged the air
darkness laid heavy between us
for comfort, i told myself i’d never be here again
for comfort, i told myself it’d be worse to return to your arms
but our lips bridged the gap
of an unspoken year
& i brought the curse upon myself
because i could linger here for an eternity
in the limbo of love
paradise is not my destiny, there is no destination
I’ve always hated funerals
The tears and silences I understand
But they still weigh down
Like granite
And there are always people you don’t know
Don’t remember
But you can’t get to know them
You have to talk of the dead
Or not talk at all
So I don’t want a funeral
I want to be burned into feathery ashes
And buried in the soil below a new tree
You’re welcome to place a plaque with my name
And you’re more than welcome to
Libate my dust to dust with liberal pourings
Of good bourbon
And then you must tell a funny story
We know I had a lot of them
And then you should all
Flood a bar
And talk to each other
Cry if you must
Be silent if you need
But drink and smile and laugh
And remember each other
And me
I hope you will
And I hope you will remember me
With joy and laughter
With only some tears
I don’t want my life to come down to tears
I loved it
And you too
So have a party
Loves
And pour one more for me.
We think it can’t happen here, happen
to us, that someone would offer our son
“ice” after he fills his tank. But we know
it can happen anywhere, happen even
here. What we think ≠ what we know,
the equation’s parenthetical factor being
(we need to be able to sleep at night).
Who tried to kill the poetry in you
tell me who child
who tried to silence the starling
who tried to choke the starlight
I’ll split them in two
was it your nemesis of the week
your ex, your boss, your job
could it be you
tell me who child
tell me who
I don’t know why you hold back
there’s a story inside you
has a Cheshire stolen your pen
did someone deep freeze your heart
tell me who child
tell me who
could it be
Anxiety Parakeet
a modern-day take on the Moscow Mule
The original Moscow Mule was invented in New York City in 1941 to use ginger beer that wasn’t selling. The Anxiety Parakeet updates the classic by capitalizing on the time wasted while lying awake in the middle of the night. Feel free to add your own twist, perhaps Grinding Teeth, Looped Dreams, Obsessive Desire for Reassurance, Rumination, or stick with the tried and true flavors of Overwhelmed and Depressed.
Ingredients
1 ½ oz Crisis-infused tightened chest
½ oz verge of tears
Fresh racing heart, cut into wedges
5 oz concentrated preoccupation with worst-case scenarios
Cold chills
Sleep Problems, to finish
For Crisis-infused tightened chest: Add 2 scoops of Crisis of choice into the chest cavity. Let steep for two to three hours and strain. Toss crisis. Retain tightened chest.
To build the cocktail: Using a tumbler, muddle 2 racing heart wedges with Crisis-infused tightened chest. Add verge of tears, concentrated preoccupation with worst-case scenarios, and a scoop of cold chills to the tumbler and shake well for hours. Fill mason jar with cold chills. Once the tumbler is cool, strain mixture into the glass. Top remaining space with Sleep Problems of choice. Garnish with wedge of racing heart.
And enjoy!
(adapated from the recipe for the incredibly delicious Earl Grey Moscow Mule at Lussi Brown, recipe by Buddy Hunter)
Yet and yet again,
No salve to calm inflamed
thoughts, no reabsorbing
tears until they are
released.
The gold that filled in the
cracks, cobbled the
body back together, is melted
every year by
wringing hands,
splattered in the
wake of racing thoughts.
The cellular forest
hides assassins to
bone, blood, brain.
