No Insurance No Help
Rehab is hopeless
insurance not good enough
she’s back on the street
The waitress brought
the old lady a cake
(chocolate by the way)
When she left
the lady reached in her purse
pulled out a candle
planted it in the icing
lit it.
Watching the flame burn
sitting alone
she started to clap
clap
clap
That’s when the waitress returned
clapping too
clap
clap
One by one customers
encircled the table
clapping too
clap
clap
The restaurant rocked
with clapping
clap
clap
’til one by one
everyone gave
the old lady a kiss
I don’t know if this video is true
(Truth is elusive in 2023)
I want to believe that
life presents poems to poets
like presents to the homeless
They mean so much more that way
the rain pours harder
& a woman runs in with a box over her head
the air conditioning blows harder
& you wrap your arm around me for warmth
later, we lean against the ice cream freezers
& wonder if we still love each other
a person shudders taking our order
& you squeal at the ice cream’s deliciousness
a child laughs & his dad looks tired
& i grimace when i bite into the cold
later, we lean against the ice cream freezers
& wonder if we still love each other
a man and a woman walk into the bodega
obviously on a first date (you say)
you walk out of the restroom
it was too small (you say)
later, we lean against the ice cream freezers
& wonder if we still love each other
i wonder if the couple will continue to date
or if one will leave
i wonder if the father’s going through a divorce
if his partner’s left him
i wonder about the employees’ loneliness
& if they will flee
we lean against the ice cream freezers,
yes, i still love you
Even as a young boy who shouldn’t understand loss you did,
wrapping your arms around me as I slumped
Onto the floor, many years later, where our limbs once fit with room
to spare, you made space, saw something I had hidden and gave it back
My attempts to reciprocate feel false, like my bright pink tee glowing
in a sea of black, bodies crashing to the hardwood below, your shirt
A tanktop featuring a truckers hat, sweaty as you shred
our ears, our inhibitions, the room, I’m constantly in awe
That you continue to stay under the same roof with a thief, a liar, a junkie,
someone taking a hatchet to you is beyond my understanding and I say as much
During an intervention, where our father tags along for moral support
in the backseat, barely hearing the words I shout over the pummeling rain
I’m awash in regret, knowing I fucked up, that I failed you,
that I couldn’t reach you through my condescension and desperation
So when you find what I have hidden, I hope that you see me, hear me
through all the static, and understand what I’m really trying to say
You were always the best of us.
You hide in undergrowth–all torso
and sinew, fat and teeth. You can’t see
tw: sexual coercion mention
There was a point in my life when I would’ve done anything to see you like this
You, laying there, just so
Curls tossed haphazardly across your shoulder
Golden sunlight dancing on the bed
Topless
There was a point in my life when I would’ve done anything to have this
Your voice in my ear
The weight of your body on top of mine
Your lips on my neck
The word “no” stuck in my throat
A word that never fell from my lips onto your ears
There was a point in my life when I would’ve done anything for you to do this
Your hands run along my bare arms
Your eyes trained on mine
As you tuck my hair behind my ear, your thumb brushes my cheek
And yet
I feel sick
But the picture is perfect
-a beautiful view, a horrible feeling
Grief is here
always near.
She sits in the corner
at the ready.
Sometimes she punches.
Sometimes she embraces.
Neither warrants a warning.
She is
utterly beautiful,
splendidly horrid.
Her dimensionality
is never lost
on me.
When I don’t feel her,
I miss her.
That is how she never
truly
leaves.
I didn’t wear mascara that day.
No one noticed black lines
smudged as I nonchalantly wiped at my face.
No one stared as I ate chicken tenders alone
the aftermath.
Nothing draws attention in a school cafeteria
quite like smudged glitter and mascara
a girl eating alone.
I wanted to be alone.
No matter how hard I tried to stay out of it
you pushed my head into the water
over and over
until I couldn’t hold my breath anymore.
Sinking
down
down
down
until someone pulled me out.
Funny to think my sobs sounded like coughing up water.
Now everytime I see you
I think about the promises I made.
I think about being used.
I think about my sob story
the pieces of the puzzle put together
it doesn’t quite hit as hard when you break it apart.
Keep that in mind
when I hold my head high
I never let the mascara run.
