unknot
Through prisms
speed past
the forces
that bind
me to my will.
With a laugh, “not just
a good idea, it’s the law,”
We tumble up while blue
lights flash & fade below.
left alone for 3 hours
they run, leap, jump
in and out of
their new pool
wrestling,
thundering around our yard
and manage to crash into
and break
my Talavera pot,
scattering pottery pieces
and a beloved cactus
cacti are resilient-this one
snuggles into a new pot
with the old dirt,
out of the canine traffic pattern
pieces of Talavera,
sharp edges pushed into the soil,
decorate raised planting beds,
now above the fray
I can’t outrun the damage you’ve done to me.
It’s been a while since I’ve tried to.
Distance makes the heart grow forgiveness.
It twisted through my arteries,
setting an easy air of seperation.
A smile for a phone call.
Forked into the devil’s tongue.
It will leave me ill
but at ease.
Captivity makes the sleeping wolf rabid.
The chord of fear
struck through my body
since I was a little girl.
a doll
a Little Mermaid book
and two matchbox cars
in a drawer
in a room
at a party.
It’s what I don’t remember that scares me.
But what I do remember
is the primal need
to get out of that run-down black car
as you took an unfamiliar speed
down familiar streets.
Angry like a car crash
that I simultaneously prayed
would and wouldn’t come.
somebody not cutting down my lantana
gives it space to breathe
its leaves flippy flopping in the
little bit
of breeze against my back forty feet of yard
I paid a woman-owned landscape company in the city once to come tidy my previous yard
Her (all male) team immediately chopped down all my bushes,
all of which were
flowering
beautiful
salvias.
She didn’t refund the day’s charge
despite commiserating that indeed they should have known
not to cut flowering items
I wonder a lot about why the lantana leaves in the sixfoot clump in the back backyard are thin and normal green
not dark green like the lantana I buy at nurseries
lantana has unique flower formation
nothing can be like it
nothing mistaken for it
but the nursery leaves are like
a cross between
oregano
and peppermint
looking edible
don’t eat it that way. I did once on accident
one more way my concussion interferes.
Cognition is valuable
especially when foraging
eight months of steroids later…
Why this lantana
has leaves half the thickness
of paper
and yields half a shade lighter than kelly green.
It looks more chewable,
like a moment in the mouth would give you clarity
about the purpose of the back flat teeth you have
like it would make a paste of goo in the mouth
like if you spit it into your hand, the goo would be thin, soft,
where the nursery’s leaves chewed up would end in jaggedness and frustrated saliva feeling impotent against the power of those cellulose walls.
I cant imagine a more southern name for a
plant
than lantana
I lived once near the home where Steel Magnolias filmed
but on the Texas side, too far from multicutural Shreveport for my taste
but close enough to find crawfish at the grocery store.
But if I had lived on the other side,
I’d have been closer to the Angola plantation prison
no matter where I live, I can’t seem to figure out
where to go that doesn’t mistreat people who don’t look like me
notwithstanding needing to report at least one company to the fedeeral trade commission
every
day
for violating my
disability rights.
a BLM friend once reflected
It’s like they can’t even see you’re
white
when you’re in that wheelchair
something to be said for being able to leave my house after sundown, though
i cant do that anymore, but i could until 2025
so at least i remember
Please, anything but the truth. No one wants to hear that.
The story of six guineas
I bought them when they were chicks.
I imagined they would grow up
and I would turn them out on ninety acres
to be watchdogs with an instinct, a poetry
of sounds, warning every movement around them.
I repaired the smoke house in spite of the tricks
that kept showing up,
cracks in the flooor big enough for snake takers,
hawks resting in the tall oak from which to see
and owls at night. I could hear them.
When they were grown, but tame.
They had no instinct to roost in trees
but huddled on the ground not in the house at night.
The two smaller hens were gone the next morning
and the four rooster did not appear to mourn them.
After another night two roosters were gone, the same
way as the others, but the last two went in. I locked these
in and they hid behind a sheet of plywood out of sight.
The next morning
I fed and watered them and locked the door for them.
That night I only found four legs behind the
closed door and four or five feathers.
But no one cares to discuss
The hurt and distrust
From being wounded and harmed
Violated and subjugated
But choosing to love anyway.
Within love,
There is sacrifice
But sacrifice can turn sour
Taken and devoured
Eaten for their next meal
While you suffer and cower
Pick yourself up and regenerate.
Learn their ways
Look through lies and deceit
Beyond the mind games
Find compassion anyway
For yourself and the other
As you’ll leave with clarity, serenity
And hope that they’ll change
Just plot point in each narrative
A tale of two destinies that depart
Sacred in security unlike the others
As I age, these muscles thicken,
In some areas, my heart has weakened
But each day, I can’t help but choose love
As if the black ink has dried up
And my story was already written
you don’t have to be any specific
hair color
or height
or even a
specific
ethnicity
please just be
kind
be kind
dear god just be
kind
