I am longing for the touch of earthen places
coves and hollows, caves and dens
where small creatures round and soften themselves
in the safety of twigs and pine needles, feathers and fur

I would pull a carpet of stone-sprouted moss
up over my head, tasting the air
between my mouth and every other living thing
learning to burrow and weave, gather and give

I would ask something wise-eyed 
vole or crow, possum or fox
what it knows of loneliness,
of snake and hawk and deprivation,
but it would only blink back confused
pitying my nakedness

i scratched up the middle of my palm breaking a metal beam in my closet
i dislocated my knuckle and popped it back into place 
i dragged myself out of the house to eat out for once
i put on a nice light colored dress on my period
i keep smelling the bath and body works soap residue on my hands 
i keep recharging my laptop just to take it off at thirty percent and restart the cycle
i should probably call someone to come over tomorrow
i miss you

If the city never sleeps, 

The fading feels like a forgetting.
My eyes remembered to open.
There was coffee, a shower,
real clothes, phone, bag, and keys.
But, the passenger
seat is empty,
blank space where
you should
be.

This is where they removed
their shoes, baptized their feet
in the river’s muddy promise,
swam (if they could swim),
drowned or grounded themselves
in Indiana, freedom either way. 

Their descendants dance at this place
by the river, Ghanaian drums restoring
ancestral heartbeats that rise (and sigh)
amid the highway din.

Threads of names have lain in concrete
footprints here, their syllables torn and shorn
until they’re known as the “unknown,”
faceless yet recalled to the last, a gift
from the present to the past

Oh, look upon that tree in brightest bloom
Each petal a harbinger for a pear
The poet sighs, and then begins to croon
Upon youth and young love symbolized there

Dreamer, I say, return yourself to school
Or find yourself a book on botany
For while your use of symbols is quite cool
Fruit only grows upon a matured tree

Years does it take for blooms to blossom forth
Years does it take for love to grow so sweet
Youth’s green is pretty, but is not the worth
Of nurtured love immense, and hard to beat?

Bright petals fade, but this is not the end
For trees, like love, renew each year, dear friend

no one experiences defeat
until discouragement sets
like wall plaster

only then the flakes
begin

The first time she called our beloved deviled eggs
this I asked if it was a new recipe.
No, I just don’t like using the word ‘devil’.

 Other signs popped 
 
                ICE                 
                Pets for dinner                 
                Epstein files

as she followed this deviant path 
                                                     
                 D                                                        
                    O                                                           
                        W                                                              
                            N

A mindset I could not condone or comply. 

I used to be strong
6 pack
50 pull ups rep
100 pushups in a minute
Fastest 400m time on the team
Those were simpler times
I had less problems to think about
But then…
I stopped doing physical activity
I gamed too long into the night
As I stayed inside for longer and longer periods
The muscles I had built up start to lose their foundation
Your arms start to sag more
You feel more sluggish
That’s how my mental status works
It peaked in 7th grade and has only deteriorated since
Maybe if I gain those muscles back…
I can feel better about my own self image