I’m old enough to know that I’m middle aged.
People hear me say that and want to convince me I’m wrong
because they think it’s polite or reassuring
but I know what age almost every female in my family
has died
I’ve watched two of them die slowly
Some folks still claim that
that doesn’t mean for sure
that I’m at or over the half way point
to death
to MY death
I usually dont want to go back and forth about it,
the knowing,
their pretense and niceties
seem rigorous and exhausting
so I just acquiesce with a small smile, lowering my head
which is also something I’ve aged into
(acquiescence, not my head)
but I know my truth and am ok with it
even if that is hard for others to accept.
What I’m not ok with
is how soft I’ve become 
in body and mannerism
How much less likely I am to jump
to take a risk or
just try something new out
Even if I know I’m going to fade into myself
I want to have more memories to lose
than body functions.