I told myself that I sought the sound of solitude
But now I know loneliness is something you never lose
It’s more like a matter of time
A cliff I know I’ll have to climb
With calloused hands and bruised feet
With all the saltwater stinging my eyes.
It’s truly the only assured thing in life
Loneliness is both
The unstoppable force
And immovable object
And when things like that meet it causes eruptions.
It will burn.
I thought that if loneliness was just a figment of my imagination
I could imagine myself whole
But even on the beaches of my mind there are riptides
that cling to your hands and feet
and tug you under.
There is quicksand
And it only gets worse if you fight it.
I like to think that I am the one who summons this feeling
But the truth is that loneliness calls to me with its siren song
high above the jagged rocks.
Wears a mask of guilt
Dresses itself in war
It is a weapon that only works when I turn it around
And haven’t I hurt myself enough?
Loneliness is a self prescribed medicine
It’s my mental opioid
It’s a drug I tend to abuse
Stimulates all my nerves
Until there’s no electricity left in me.
Nothing shocks me anymore.
If I’m lucky,
This sand will bear fruit
Let it ripen
And remind me I am alive
But it never keeps long enough to for it to stay that way
And maybe I like to forget.
Maybe I like to forget that this sea of my psyche
has no other ships to save me
It means that here there are no other victims.
I am sure the ocean is the most dangerous place for beauty
Where so many things can hurt you
Where you can hurt so many things
It’s easier to think that you’re alone.
I’ve been swimming these waters for long enough that I can tell you that
These waters are vast enough to hide your neighbours from you
But you’ll be surprised who will wash up on your shores.