Thought maybe I should do this
WARNING!!! This poem talks explicitly about some heavy shit, so don’t read if triggered easily.

Bored in class
Talking to a demon disguised as a friend
And this demon on my shoulder showed me what it’s like to be free
Rip your pencil in half
And scrape down your arm just enough to draw blood

Depression doesn’t mix well with addiction
It screams in my ear at every waking moment
“Whenever you can”
“Whenever you have something available”
“You deserve it”
“It’s been a hard day”
The lacerations on my arm are still visible today

OCD and addiction don’t mix well together either
It’s a gnawing sensation on my brain to make it perfect
“How about make a cross today”
“Maybe even a grid”
If there was a part on my arm that wasn’t covered in my beauty marks
“Cover it up before it seems out of place”
“Might as well cut more to make a shape or something”
I fall apart if I haven’t re-upped in the last 30 minutes

Worst of all, ADHD hates addiction
One thing sets me off
“You doing okay man?”
Now comes the onslaught of thoughts
“Worthless”
“This is all fake”
“You deserve what’s coming to you”
My thoughts spiral around and jumble together to come to one conclusion

The cold blade sits atop my forearm
It glides over my skin leaving the sensation of frostbite
After deliberating with my own conscience for what seems like months
The blade slices past my defensive cast
Euphoria hits my senses like a wrecking ball
Blood seeps from the opening I’ve just made

The euphoria subsides
I stare down at what mess I’ve made
“It doesn’t look right”
Guess I’ll fix it then
“Look what you done all over again”
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to

I’m fine