Until you,
I had never thought of the word ‘crush’
outside of the youthfully innocent attractions
of middle and high school.
Your gravity has me spaghettified
as you weave in and out of my day,
and of course, there’s that sunrise smile,
“Good morning, Philip!”

Until you,
I wasn’t sure that life
had anything left for me to believe in.
It was never worth putting myself out there,
leveled by every fallen-flat risk, 
why would you be any different?
Then you came in that one day with your hair–
your hair!–done too pretty not to say…something.

           Regardless of the ending this story finds,
           coming up with the courage
           to pay you that compliment
           will keep this a victorious celebration.

Until you
I was running out of reasons to care.
Had hair down to the small of my back,
who’ll notice if I don’t bathe today?
I wasn’t trying to impress anybody
suddenly I want to impress you,
putting all of myself in a new perspective.
Like I had never seen a mirror before.

          And I wish that you could see all of this,
          the craters you’ve left in a world gone complacent
          all in a shower of kindness
          to cleanse me of my hopelessness.

                  So of course I’ve longed for more!
                  I’m looking for every positive sign–
                  is it there, is it not? I won’t know
                  unless I put myself out there a little bit more

until you,
I had no idea how deep my need to belong ran.
To something, to anyone,
I’ve been let down so much
I just stopped making any effort to connect.
Had no idea I was letting myself die
for people who are never going to reach out
asking if I’m okay.

         No. I’ve been living in carbon monoxide
         and now I know
         I need to get the hell out.
         Can you be a way out?

                  In a moment of even greater courage,
                  I offer up my phone number.
                  I’ve really enjoyed our chats,
                  let’s keep the conversation going.

          To that, you might have said
          everything you needed to say
          by never texting at all,
          yet it’s still important to say good morning

Until you
I thought I had a pretty good read on people.
Maybe that’s what makes you so enamoring.
Might be why I’m still so drawn to you
despite our tipped hands.
All I can say–since respect must be maintained–
is that whatever your thing is,
I hope you find the capacity to give me a chance.

However, if nothing else,
until you,
I had no idea how bad a place I was in.
Not being with you now hurts,
but it’s the kind of unrelenting agony that sets my heart
searching for other kinds of human connection.
        (there is healing in the ability to be vulnerable
         and you are certainly something to be vulnerable about)
In that light, I can only dream of our potentials
where everything that we are now
                 has been enough inspiration
                                      to finally save my own life.