This morning I thought we were fine

you and me

plato says we’re different creatures

indígenas say we’re the same

our relationship is forever

you warn me of your angers

by the dreams

that shake

me in the

night

the kidnappings

killings

mazes

the griefs you

pause there when

you feel some better

I wake, spent, you with me still

you are numb

so I think we are okay

lack of pain

eyes insensitive to sun

always welcome reliefs for us both

I draw a bath

steam the carrots

happy you crave something light

consolation for not having California surrounding us

and in our kitchen

I drink my germkiller

it does nothing

the reaction does’t take place

the new batch is wrong

not strong enough

no wonder I’m nauseated today

no wonder im blocked

no wonder I feel like all of 2021 at once

I think this plant mix will do

take a taste

but

you’re not having it

I imagine this is what cancer’s like

the only disease I don’t have

I try oranges

green powder

everything is as wrong

as Mick Jagger

trying real food in the ’70s

like him,

you have no idea what I’m trying to do here

hours later

the bath still waiting

cold now

dampening the air

a few flies in it the worse for wear

I’d get a secondary cold if I went in there now

but really I just forgot it

you’re fighting without me

I’m fighting without you

im always trying to find a way to get to what you need

and I don’t know if you know that

if only I could find a marriage counseling workbook for this

maybe next life, you’ll believe my intentions

more than my partners did

maybe next life

will come soon enough for both of us

maybe next life