I.
Privilege: A man has a home. 
Misconception: That man believes he owns his home. 
Irony: The bankers laugh all the way home. 

II.
This little piggy ate roast beef.
This little piggy ate none.

III.
We understand that life can be unpredictable and complicated. Please treat this matter with the utmost importance. We have taken the first steps towards repossession. Please contact your local Archdiocese for assistance. They have a designated exorcist on staff to investigate claims of demonic activity. As of now you have 30 days from the date of this letter for your family and friends to send you enough thoughts and prayers to equal one month’s mortgage. Cases are vehemently vetted and require an exhaustive examination of medical and psychological factors before any divine intervention is considered.

IV.
How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!

V.
Q: What are the Terms and Conditions of the Foreclosure Property Sale?
A: 10% down of the final bid must be paid at time of sale. The remaining balance is due within 24 hours and must be paid via certified check or cashier’s check.

VI.
Does anyone know the name of the angel who replaced him?