How much is too much?
When a long, grueling day
ends with a crash landing
in my bed, sleeaping
all prosperity away?

When the difference between responsibilities
is hardly sufficient
for a full night’s rest?
Looks like we’re cutting
into the reserves again.

When waking up
from a short-lived dream
reveals you’re still little more than a whore
taken advantage of
because you’re here and haven’t left yet?

That’s if the dream
was even pleasant in the first place.

When late night sacrifice
to things deeply cared for
gets repaid with nothing
but the sublimation of the rock
upon which you stand?

When saying, “I’ll be fine
as long as I have you,”
gets forced into, “Goodbye.”

I once heard the story of a man
who gave so much 
to friends, family, and probably
strangers on the street
until he gave himself away
and followed that by giving up life.

Like hell,
will that be my fight!
That’s a line to never be crossed,
an end that won’t be mine

but how close
is too close?

When you know the value
of compassion so well
it’s literally impossible 
to get mad at another person
for failing to show it to you?

When you recognize the goodness
of selflessness 
as a thing to be guilty of
as a self descriptor
while simultaneously
misunderstanding the cost.

When you’re so used to losing
in the end, that if death
happened to greet you today,
you know your last word will be

“Whatever…”

Was I born to lose
or have I made myself into that
by failing to find
a way to say “fuck you!”
to someone. 
Anyone.

I’m not there yet,
don’t really plan to ever be there
but I know I’ll find that line someday
when somebody pushes me into it.
My only prayer
is that it won’t be so gradual
that I won’t see it
until it’s just a regret in the distance.