saying it will eventually get better is neither true or false
it is a guessing game to someone’s current affair 
affair with the world around them and emotions in which they posses
i have never understand the saying
when people tell me it will get better it angers me

i see the look of hope in their eyes and optimism
though to someone who has dealt with major depression for years
it is not simple
it is hard
it is a chemical imbalance
it is something i would never choose to posses

when people ask me what is wrong
a million knives cut my lungs
telling me not to cuss them out
if only it was so simple for me to have an explanation
one that could convince the healthy mind that depression is not sadness it is not a choice and it is not something that just goes away

people always give me advice like i have not heard it before
i understand it comes from a place of kindness
but sometimes it’s hard not to tell others to shut the hell up after they tell me to try journaling

being diagnosed with major depression at fifteen was not something that surprised me
it did not confuse me to hear those words
it confused others
because when someone is depressed and high functioning they learn to mask their situation
there is no way to describe to others the truth of inner chaos when the outside is harmonious rythym in the stream of ones daily life

i’ve been on antidepressants for a while now
it is what it is
i am happy some days and sad some
but neither of that constitutes depression
depression is tied to my back making every move just a bit harder than someone who does not struggle with mental health
but id rather not show it
because it does not define who i am

depression≠me