I remember being nine,
And my mother damn near beat me black and blue
For physically self harming.

I remember being eleven,
And my mother tried to put me in the foster care system
After I disagreed with her over something.

I remember being thirteen,
And my mother telling me that,
In my case,
Suicide was the best option.

I remember being sixteen,
And my mother abandoned me for two weeks
Because she couldn’t stand to look at me anymore.

I remember being eighteen,
And my mother chased me out to my car,
Threatening to kill me.

I remember being nineteen,
And my mother admitted that she 
Knew
I’d been sexually abused.

I remember being twenty-one,
And my mother told me that I
Deserved
To be sexually abused throughout my youth.

 

After all of this,
I have still tried to make amends.

Amends that she repeatedly rips to shreds.